How to Make Friends as an Adult (Even in a New City or Country)

You moved for a job, a degree or a partner. The first weeks were exciting. Then the weekends got quiet. Your old friends are in a different time zone, and everyone here already seems to have their people.

If making friends as an adult feels harder than it used to, that's not you. It is harder, and there's a clear reason why.

Why adult friendship is hard (it's structural, not personal)

Sociologists point to three conditions that make friendships form almost automatically:

• Proximity: being physically near each other.
• Repeated, unplanned interaction: bumping into the same people again and again.
• A setting where people let their guard down.

School and university gave us all three for free. Adult life removes them. Now friendship requires something we were never taught: intention.

It also takes time. Communication researcher Jeffrey Hall estimated it takes roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, 90 hours to become friends, and 200+ hours to become close friends (Hall, 2018). That isn't discouraging. It's a map. It tells you to build repeated time, not one great night.

A realistic playbook for making friends in a new place

Step 1: Pick two recurring activities

Choose things that meet weekly with the same group: a climbing gym, a running club, a pottery class, a choir, a volunteer shift, a language exchange. Recurring is the key word, because it recreates the "same faces again and again" effect of school.

Step 2: Befriend other newcomers first

Locals often have full social lives. Other newcomers, such as international students, expats and new hires, are actively looking for friends, just like you. Expat meetups and newcomer groups are full of people who'll say yes.

Step 3: Say yes early and often

In your first few months, accept almost every invitation, even the slightly awkward ones. Every "yes" is an hour on the friendship clock.

Step 4: Make the second move

Meeting someone nice is easy. The friendship happens in the follow-up: "It was great chatting at the class. Want to grab food after next week's?" Send it within a few days, before the moment fades.

Step 5: Become a host

Hosting is a friendship superpower. A simple potluck, a board game night or a Sunday walk makes you the connector, and people remember who brought them together.

Step 6: Go deeper, gradually

Acquaintances become friends through gradual, mutual openness. Share a little more each time, and ask real questions. Our list of 50 deep questions to ask friends can help.

Step 7: Keep your old friendships alive, lightly

Distance doesn't have to end friendships. A voice note, a shared photo or a monthly call keeps them warm. Old friends are a safety net while new ones grow.

Loneliness in a new country is normal

Culture shock, a new language, missing family, different social rules: moving abroad can make you feel lonely even when you're busy. It often gets harder a few months in, once the novelty wears off. That dip is common, and it passes as your routines and relationships deepen. If it doesn't lift, or it starts affecting your sleep and mood, please talk to someone. Many universities and employers offer free counselling.

More on this in how to deal with loneliness and why you can feel alone even around people.

A daily shortcut to real conversation

One of the hardest parts of adult friendship is having something to talk about beyond small talk. Rimeso gives you that every day. You're matched into a small private circle of people who share your interests, language and age group. Everyone answers the same thoughtful question, and then you react, comment and get to know each other. It takes about four minutes a day, and it's a gentle way to feel part of a group while you build your life in a new place.