How to Make Friends as an Introvert

You don't need to become more outgoing to make friends as an introvert. Choose small settings with a shared task and the same faces each week, then move one person at a time from the group to a one-to-one plan. How to make friends as an introvert is mainly a matter of format and energy: fewer people, smaller rooms and time to recover afterwards.

You also need fewer friends than the internet implies. Two or three people who know you well will do more for you than a full social calendar. This guide covers the settings that work, how to budget your energy, and how to leave a group without feeling like you've committed a crime.

The short answer

Introvert and shy are different things. One is about energy, the other about fear, and the fixes differ.
Pick small, repeating settings with a task. A class, a shift or a game gives you something to do besides talk.
Plan your recovery. In one small study, sociable behaviour went with better mood at the time and more fatigue about three hours later.
Arrive early and decide when you're leaving. Both remove most of the dread.
You can leave any group with one kind sentence. You don't owe anyone a reason.

We make Rimeso, so we're not neutral about it. We've tried to be fair about what each app is good at, including where others are the better choice.

Introvert or shy? One question tells them apart

Picture a party where you know for certain that it will go well and everyone will like you. If you'd still rather stay in, you're leaning introvert, and the cost is your problem. If you'd go straight away, you're leaning shy, and the fear is your problem. Plenty of people are both, but it's worth knowing which one is doing more of the work.

Most of this guide deals with energy, because that's what introverts need to manage. If you came here looking for how to make friends when you're shy, the useful finding is that fear is a poor forecaster. Gillian Sandstrom and Erica Boothby combined seven studies with 2,304 people. The usual worries about talking to a stranger were that it wouldn't be enjoyable, the other person wouldn't like you and you lacked the skills. They found those fears were overblown, and that conversations went better than people expected (Sandstrom and Boothby, 2021). That won't stop the fear on its own. It does mean you can stop treating it as evidence.

Should you act more outgoing? In small doses

"Just push yourself" is the advice introverts hear most, and it's half right. In a randomised trial, 147 people spent a week either acting extraverted or following a comparison task. On average, acting extraverted lifted positive feelings. The more introverted participants gained less, though, and they also reported more negative feelings, more tiredness and feeling less like themselves (Jacques-Hamilton, Sun and Smillie, 2019).

So treat it as a small dose. Borrow one extrovert habit, the first hello, and keep the rest of the evening on your own terms. Say hello first, ask one question, and after that you can be as quiet as you like.

How to make friends as an introvert: formats that suit you

The settings below are where introvert friends tend to turn up, because talking stays optional for the first few weeks. Each one has the same three things: few people, something to do, and the same faces next time.

Format	Why it works	Watch out for
Weekly class with a task (pottery, drawing, a language)	Your hands are busy, so silence feels normal	Nothing happens unless you stay ten minutes after
Volunteer shift	Someone gives you a job, and the job gives you something to talk about	Pick a role beside other people, not solo admin
Board-game or quiz night	Turns organise the talking, and the game fills the gaps	Find a small table, because big halls get loud
Small book group	You can decide what to say before you arrive	Some groups barely mention the book
A walk or run with one person	You're side by side, with no eye contact to manage	Agree an end point before you set off
Writing-first spaces (letters, small forums, daily-question apps)	You can think before you answer	Try a call at some point if you want more

Leave out networking mixers, house parties where you know one person, and anything whose event page contains the word "mingle".

How to manage your energy

Tiredness after socialising is normal, and it may arrive later than you expect. In one study, 48 Finnish university students reported their behaviour and mood five times a day for 12 days. Acting extraverted went with better mood and less fatigue at the time, and with more fatigue about three hours later. The number of people they'd encountered explained that link (Leikas and Ilmarinen, 2017). The pattern looked the same for introverts and extraverts, but the lead author has cautioned that the sample was small, mostly women, and that the data can't show cause and effect (PsyPost).

Hold that lightly, but it suggests two useful things. People may cost more than hours, so an evening with two others is likely to be cheaper than one with twenty. And the bill comes late, so don't book anything demanding straight after. A practical budget looks like this:

Set a weekly limit. Two social slots is plenty while you're building. Put them on separate days.
Arrive early. The room is small at the start and you can meet people one at a time. Walking into a formed circle at nine o'clock is the hardest entrance there is.
Decide your leaving time before you go. Say it when you arrive: "I can stay until eight." Now leaving is a plan and no longer an escape.
Give yourself one job. Have one proper conversation with one person. Once that's done, you've finished for the evening.
Book the recovery. Keep the next hour free for a walk or a book, the same way you'd keep it free after a long run.

Small and regular suits you better than big and rare. One quiet thing every week adds up, and friendship runs on hours. One huge night a month, followed by a week of hiding, doesn't add up to much.

How to turn a group acquaintance into a friend

Groups are where you meet people. One-to-one is where you're at your best, so move someone out of the group early. After you've spoken two or three times, be plain about it:

I'm not great in big groups, but I liked talking to you. Want to get a coffee this week, just us?

Most people hear that as a compliment. Other quiet people hear it as a relief.

Small talk is often the part you dread, and you can leave it sooner than you think. When researchers had strangers move on to more personal topics, those talks felt less awkward and left people happier and more connected than they had predicted (Kardas, Kumar and Epley, 2022). A gentle way in is "How did you end up doing this?" Our list of 50 deep questions has plenty more.

Once a friendship starts, explain how you work, so your silence isn't misread. One line does it: "I'm bad at replying and good at turning up." Or: "If I go quiet for a few days, it's never about you." Friendships between quiet people can fade because each one assumes the other has lost interest.

How to leave a group without guilt

Introverts often stay in groups long after they've stopped enjoying them, because leaving seems to need an explanation. It doesn't. You owe people a kind sentence. You don't owe them a reason.

Three rules help. Keep it short, because a long explanation invites a discussion. Apologise once at most. And if there's someone in the group you like, name your next step with them in the same message. These are the sentences to use:

Leaving a party early: "I've had a good time and my battery's gone. See you Thursday."
Leaving a group chat: "I'm stepping out of the chat because I can't keep up with it, and I'd rather leave than go silent. Thanks for all of it. [Name], still up for that walk?"
Leaving a weekly club or class: "I'm going to stop coming for now. I've liked being here, and I'd still like to see you for a coffee."
Turning down a repeating invitation: "I'm keeping my weeknights quiet at the moment, so I'll skip these. Please keep inviting me to small things."
Stepping back from a friend group but keeping one friend: "Big group plans wear me out. Can we do something, just us, instead?"

Before you go, ask yourself which you want to leave: the people, or only the format. If this is your only group, move one person to a one-to-one plan first, so you don't leave with nothing. The guilt usually peaks on the first day and fades quickly. Most people in the group will think "fair enough" and go back to their week.

💡 Try this: at a big party, say goodbye to the host and nobody else. A round of farewells restarts three conversations and costs you another 40 minutes.

Apps for introverts: what to look for

Four features matter: small groups, no pressure to reply at once, a prompt so you don't have to invent a topic, and no public audience. Check for those whichever app you try. A few options, with their limits:

App	Why it may suit you	The limit
Rimeso	A small circle and one question a day, answered in your own time, in about four minutes. Free, with no public feed.	Android only, no iPhone. Conversation in English or Hindi. Online, not in person. It's young, so some circles are quiet.
Slowly	Pen-pal letters that take time to arrive, so nobody expects a fast reply.	Slow by design, and your new friend may live a long way away.
Bumble BFF	One-to-one matching plus Groups with chat and event planning. A good choice if you want to meet people locally.	The standalone app isn't available everywhere, so check your country. You'll also be starting a lot of first conversations yourself.
Meetup	Interest groups and events. Look for small ones that repeat.	Quality and size vary, so check how many people usually attend.
HelloTalk or Tandem	Language exchange gives every conversation a ready-made topic.	Built for language practice first, with friendship as a side effect.

Apps change quickly, so check each one's own page before you sign up. There's a fuller comparison in best apps to make friends, and how to make friends online covers forums, games and small communities. If you have people around you and still feel lonely, read why you can feel alone around people.

Frequently asked questions

How do introverts make friends?

Introverts tend to do best in small, repeating settings with a shared task, such as a weekly class, a volunteer shift or a quiz team. Arrive early, talk to one person properly, and move that person to a one-to-one plan after two or three meetings.

What if I'm shy rather than introverted?

Shyness is about fear, so the fix is small, repeated practice. Research suggests conversations with strangers go better than people predict. Start with one question to the person next to you at something that meets every week.

How many friends does an introvert need?

There is no correct number. Two or three people who know you well can be plenty. A better test is having someone to call on a bad day, however empty your calendar looks.

How do I leave a group without feeling guilty?

Keep it short, kind and free of excuses. One sentence is enough, such as saying you are going to stop coming for now and that you have liked being there. Apologise at most once, and make a plan with anyone you want to keep seeing.

Which apps work well for quiet people?

Look for small groups, no pressure to reply at once and a prompt that gives you something to say. Slowly suits letter writers, Rimeso suits people on Android who like a small circle and a daily question, and Meetup suits people who want to meet locally. Bumble BFF can help with that too, though availability varies by country.

Sources

A small circle that actually gets you.

Rimeso gives you one thoughtful question a day to answer with a small private circle matched to your interests. No feed, no followers, no ads. About four minutes a day.

Get Rimeso free on Google Play Android now · iOS coming soon

If you're struggling right now: Rimeso and this article aren't a substitute for professional care. If you feel unsafe or in crisis, please contact your local emergency number, or find a free, confidential helpline in your country at findahelpline.com.