How to Make Friends in Germany

To make friends in Germany, join a Verein or a weekly course and expect it to take a year or more before anyone calls you a friend. German friendship tends to start slowly and then hold: people keep a clear line between acquaintances and friends, and one good evening rarely moves you across it. You get there by being the person who turns up every Tuesday.

The short answer

You're not imagining it. In a 2025 survey, 63% of expats in Germany said they struggle to make local friends, against 42% globally.
Join a Verein. Germany has more than 615,000 registered clubs, and most will let you try a session first.
Try a Stammtisch or a Volkshochschule course if sport isn't your thing. Both put the same people in the same room on a fixed date.
Start with Sie and let others offer du. The switch is a small but real sign of closeness.
Do the maths. Two hours a week with one group takes about six months to reach the 50 hours one study linked with casual friendship.

How long German friendship really takes

Start with the timeline, because it changes how everything else feels. Jeffrey Hall's 2018 research put casual friendship at around 50 hours together, friendship at around 90 and close friendship at more than 200. Here's what that looks like with one two-hour evening a week at a Verein, a German club.

Time in	Hours so far	What it may look like
Month 3	About 25	People know your name. Still mostly Sie. You're the new one.
Month 6	About 50	Casual friends. Someone saves you a seat, and du may arrive.
Month 10	About 90	Friends. A birthday invitation, perhaps your first visit to someone's home.
Year 2 and beyond	200 or more	Close friends. They notice when something is wrong, and they say so.

The right-hand column is our own reading of Hall's numbers, and real life will be messier. A second weekly activity halves the wait. Either way, don't judge Germany at month four, when you've put in about 35 hours and it feels as if nothing is happening. We go through the numbers in more detail in how long it takes to make a friend.

Judging German friendship at month four is like judging a slow cooker at lunchtime.

Why is it hard to make friends in Germany?

If you've found it hard, you have a lot of company. In InterNations' Expat Insider 2025, 63% of expats in Germany said they struggle to make local friends, compared with 42% globally. Only 39% agreed that people are friendly toward foreign residents (60% globally), and 36% were happy with their social life (52% globally). Germany came 43rd of 46 countries for ease of settling in.

Some of that is language and some is bureaucracy. A lot of it is how friendship works here. The word Freund gets used with care. Most people you meet will stay Bekannte, acquaintances, for a long time, and nobody feels bad about it. You can chat happily with a colleague for three years and never see their flat. From the outside, that can feel cold.

Peaches, coconuts and the slow start

The popular explanation draws on the work of Fons Trompenaars and Charles Hampden-Turner, authors of Riding the Waves of Culture. Peach cultures, with the USA as the usual example, are soft on the outside: friendly to new acquaintances, with a hard stone protecting the private self. Coconut cultures, with Germany as the usual example, are hard on the outside: reserved, sometimes blunt, until you get through the shell, when people "become close loyal friends who will accept you as family."

It's a cartoon, and plenty of Germans are warm at the bus stop. It's still useful, because it tells you how to read your first six months. A neighbour who nods and says nothing hasn't decided anything about you. Silence in the lift means nothing at all. Someone correcting your recycling may even be trying to help. The directness that feels harsh in month one is the same quality that makes a German friend worth having in year three.

Sie, du and the moment things change

German grammar does something English can't: it shows how close two people are. Sie is the formal "you" and du the informal one, and moving from one to the other is a small event in a relationship.

Start with Sie. The Study in Germany guide tells newcomers to begin with Sie at work unless du is clearly part of the culture. Outside work, listen to what everyone else is using and copy it.
Let the other person offer. In private settings the older person usually offers du to the younger one. In a hierarchy, the more senior person does.
Treat it as permanent. As that guide puts it, "once granted it lasts a lifetime."
Expect exceptions. At seminars and training courses, people may use du for the length of the activity and then go back to Sie.

When someone in your club says "Wollen wir uns duzen?", which means "shall we use du?", say yes and notice what just happened. If you're speaking English you'll miss this signal completely, which is one more reason to keep working on your German.

The Verein: where German adults actually meet

Germany's clubs are a national institution. There are more than 615,000 registered associations, with roughly 34 million people active as members, and the country gets nicknamed the "world champion of associations." Sport alone accounts for about 86,000 clubs and 28.76 million memberships, counted at the start of 2024. The German Alpine Club has 1.64 million members across 355 sections, so there's probably a climbing wall and a hiking group near you, even in a flat town.

A Verein solves the hardest problem of adult friendship in a new country. It gives you a reason to see the same people every week, and it gives them a reason to learn your name. Here's how to get in.

Search locally. Try your town's name plus Verein and the activity, such as Laufgruppe (running group) or Chor (choir).
Ask for a Probetraining. Trial sessions are usually free and carry no obligation, and one or two sessions is typical.
Read the terms. Joining usually means a form and a membership fee. Check the fee and the notice period before you sign, because each club sets its own rules.
Take on a small job. Volunteers do much of the work in German clubs. Offer to help set up the summer party. Someone who carries benches gets remembered.
Stay for the part afterwards. Whatever happens after training is where you stop being the new person.

Expect some paperwork. Germans even have a word for getting lost in club procedure, Vereinsmeierei, so you won't be the first to roll your eyes.

💡 Try this: write to one Verein today, even in imperfect German: "Ich bin neu in der Stadt und würde gern zum Probetraining kommen." ("I'm new in town and would like to come to a trial session.") An imperfect sentence shows more effort than a perfect one in English.

Stammtisch: a standing date with the same table

A Stammtisch is an informal group that meets regularly at the same table, traditionally in a pub, often with a sign reserving it. The word means "regulars' table." These groups were historically all-male. Today many form around shared interests, and in cities you'll find them for parents, marketers and entrepreneurs, some of them open to non-members. NPR's Laurel Wamsley described one as "a standing date on the calendar to see a group of people you enjoy."

You can use this two ways. Look for an open Stammtisch around your profession or hobby, and go twice before you decide. Or start one: pick a pub, pick the first Thursday of the month, and invite three people. From then on the calendar does the inviting, which suits anyone who hates asking. And if you see a table with a Stammtisch sign, don't sit there.

The Volkshochschule, if a club isn't for you

If committees and team sports aren't your thing, try your local Volkshochschule, or VHS, a community adult education centre. In 2019, 879 of them offered about 558,000 courses, attended by roughly eight million people. Language courses made up 31.5% of enrolments and health courses 37.1%.

A course has everything you're after: a fixed night, the same people and a shared struggle. Pick one with plenty of talking or moving around, since a lecture leaves no room for either. Around week three, suggest a drink after class. German classes are especially good for this, because everyone else in the room has the same problem you do.

How to meet people in Berlin, and what changes outside it

Berlin is the easy version of Germany. Foreign nationals made up 22.5% of residents at the end of 2025, and you can meet people in Berlin without speaking much German at all. That's also the trap. Expat friends in Germany come quickly: 49% of expats in the Expat Insider survey said they mostly befriend other expats, against 38% globally.

That's a fine start, because other newcomers have time and want friends. The risk is that your whole circle moves on when the contracts end. Once you're settled, add one German-speaking routine, such as a Verein, a choir or a VHS course.

In smaller cities and towns the balance flips. There's less English and there are fewer people in your position, so the Verein matters even more. It's a harder door to open. parkrun, with 79 German locations, is an easy extra: it's free, walkers can take part, and nobody needs to fill in a membership form.

Einsamkeit is not only a newcomer's problem

Germans lose touch too. The first Einsamkeitsbarometer, published in May 2024, put elevated loneliness at 11.3% of the population in 2021, after 28.2% in the pandemic year of 2020. The highest rate was among 18 to 29-year-olds, at 14.1%. In December 2023 the federal government adopted a strategy against loneliness with 111 measures.

If you moved for work, or your friends scattered after university, the way back is familiar: a fixed date with the same people. Start a monthly Stammtisch with two old friends. Germans keep an appointment once it's in the calendar, so use that. For the practical side, see how to stop a friendship fading and how to start again after 30. If things feel heavier than that, read how to deal with loneliness, or call TelefonSeelsorge on 0800 111 0 111.

What an app can and can't do in Germany

Rimeso, our free Android app, gives you a daily question and a small group to answer it with, chosen by shared interests, language, age group and country. You can set the app itself to German, but the conversation happens in English or Hindi, so there's no German-language circle and it won't improve your German. Circles are not city-based and we don't run meetups, so a Verein still does a job that no app can.

Where it can help is in the slow months, when you have plenty of acquaintances and nobody yet to say anything true to. To practise German, Tandem or HelloTalk are the better choice. For local events, try Meetup. There's more in how to make friends online.

Frequently asked questions

Why is it so hard to make friends in Germany?

German social life keeps a clear line between acquaintances and friends, so closeness builds slowly, and language adds another barrier. In the Expat Insider 2025 survey, 63% of expats in Germany said they struggle to make local friends, compared with 42% globally.

What is a Verein and how do I join one?

A Verein is a registered club, covering everything from sport and culture to niche hobbies, and Germany has more than 615,000 of them. Ask for a Probetraining, a trial session that is usually free, then fill in a membership form and check the fee and the notice period.

What is a Stammtisch?

A Stammtisch, meaning regulars' table, is an informal group that meets regularly at the same table, usually in a pub or restaurant. Many now form around shared interests or professions, and some are open to newcomers. You can also start your own with a fixed date each month.

How do I meet people in Berlin?

Berlin has many foreign residents and a lot happens in English, so meeting other newcomers is fairly easy. To go further, add one German-speaking routine, such as a Verein, a Stammtisch or a Volkshochschule course, so your circle does not disappear when other expats move on.

Sources

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If you're struggling right now: Rimeso and this article aren't a substitute for professional care. If you feel unsafe or in crisis, please contact your local emergency number, or find a free, confidential helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. In Germany you can call TelefonSeelsorge free on 0800 111 0 111.